I hate how

Anyone that has a decent camera and enough money to buy a DSLR automatically becomes a photographer. Photography has become soemething so common now, I don't know whether to be happy or to despise the fact that although I've loved it for so long and developed and grown through it, I've gotten nowhere recently ... due to the fact that about every second person I meet has a DSLR - and the sheer reason that they have amazing pictures is due to their camera alone (and perhaps a slight interest in photography and some little knowledge of visually pleasing pictures)

Maybe this is just 'talk' that results from jealousy. At least I admit it.

Screw it. I'm buying a laptop, because it's something I need and I'll abandon my dream. Maybe sometime in the near future.

That brings me to my second rant.

I hate how I am good at nothing. Yes I know, I'll get the obligingly nice person say "Oh no, Kat, you're good at [insert pathetic response here] ..." But dead serious, tell me something I'm amazing at ... I hear nothing. Good see ? Exactly my point. Sure .. I'm probably fairly average at photoshop, photography .. the odd design of a birthday invitation or a card. But I'm not great at it - I can't draw to save my life, all those effects you see on my photoshopped photos? I get from tutorials. I judge nothing by my own eye, I have no sense in what 'looks' right, or is aesthetically pleasing. I'm good, perhaps, but I'm not great.

Just mediocre, and it's driving me insane. I have no direction in life, and for goodness sake, I'm doing Science at MelU where I'll end up getting a Bachelor of science and then what can I do with it? Oh yeah? What? Research. What a let down. (And yes, I'm doing a post graduate. In what? ... I don't know. - My point exactly) I'm not smart enough to get good in the GAMSAT and perhaps get into med... I HIGHLY doubt that, although the thought of saving people's lives and helping them feel better does appeal to me. BUT HEY. I'm not even smart enough for that.

"Oh then if you hate it so much, do something creative perhaps photography?" I'm not creative enough for that. I get ideas from borrowing others. Screw you.

I'm so sorry to my friends that read this and it sounds all depressing, but I'm dead serious that I hate being mediocre and average and plain... and not being amazing at something. At the least, an amazing talent or interest, would've guide my decisions. Oh, and sorry for being all over the place with this blog. It's got not structure.

I feel your judging eyes ... this is just the person that doesn't come out at all.








Until now.

Nevertheless,

♥

k.